The Throne Room Question – A Reflection on God’s Love

The Throne Room Question

I remember the first time I was asked this unusual question. It was in a ‘recovery’ small group at a church I was attending. A few years prior, I had spent a year in a weekly 12-step meeting for codependents, and those meetings had drastically changed my life.

But, apparently, not enough.

Now I found myself in another 12-step group. This was a Christian-focused curriculum for anyone and everyone, no matter what issues they dealt with, even if they didn’t ‘qualify’ for any of the specific 12-step programs.

During the introductory session, I was asked a question I had never been asked before. And the meaning of my answer was eye-opening for me. Follow along and see if your answer surprises you, too.

The leader asked us to close our eyes in order to remove any distractions and to follow her instructions while using our imagination. She asked us to visualize that we’re walking up a flight of steps leading to an incredibly beautiful building. As we reach the top of the steps, elaborately carved doors are opened by winged guards who usher us inside. The leader then told us that we had been given a special invitation from God to visit with Him in His throne room. Huge interior golden doors swing open as the guards tell us that God is waiting for us and to go on inside.

After several seconds of silence, the leader asked us the question: Where do you see yourself in the throne room and what are you doing?

After we wrote down our answer, she asked us to answer a few more questions: How far back from the throne did you stop? Are you standing? Kneeling? Lying prostrate? Are you hiding behind something? How close to the throne did you get? Did you run and jump into God’s lap?

Then she explained that our answers tell us what we really believe about the closeness of our relationship with God, and what we really believe about how God feels about us.

Whoa.

I thought my hiding behind a column and looking across the room at God was a normal response. I mean, we’re sinful human beings, right? Saved by His grace, but still living in these sinful bodies in this fallen world? So how could anyone possibly have the audacity to run across the room and jump into the lap of our perfect GOD?!

I thought I was close to God. I went to church every Sunday. I read my Bible and spent time praying and having a “quiet time” almost every morning. At this point in time, I had already led several church small groups, spoken at multiple events, and had even written a Bible study curriculum which I co-led with a pastor at a previous church.

So why was I standing so far from the throne? And why was I hiding behind a column, peeking out from behind it to look across the room at God?

It was now apparent that I still felt ashamed of who I was and that I believed I was unworthy to be accepted into God’s presence. So, apparently, I believed God wasn’t ready to accept me because of my sin and mistakes and unworthiness.

 What a wake-up call.

If you had asked me before that session if I believed God loved me unconditionally, that Jesus’s death had paid for my sins, and that His perfect righteousness had been given to me, you would have gotten a whole-hearted Yes! That’s what I had been taught all my life. And I believed it. At least I thought I did.

This exercise in the throne room told a different story. My real beliefs about my unearned righteousness and God’s response to my still imperfect behavior revealed themselves as plain as day as I saw myself hiding behind a column, barely venturing a narrow peek across the room, unsure of the welcome I would be afforded by the Creator of the Universe, maybe even suspect of the reason He invited me in.

How wrong I was.

Over the next several months, I learned just how much God loves me … just like I am … warts and all. I found out how much He wanted to help me learn the truth about His love for me. Not just to know it as a “truth”, but to feel it, to experience it, to live in it every day. Love that isn’t based on my behavior, but based on His consistent, eternal, immeasurable love … for me.

This small group met many years ago and the truth I learned about God’s love is more real to me today than it ever has been. There have been moments, sometimes even longer periods of time, when I felt less than worthy of being in His presence. I’ve been disappointed in life, in myself, in other people, and even in God. At times, I’ve focused more on my mistakes and failures than I have on Jesus’s perfect righteousness that dwells in me 24/7.

Still, God has been so gracious in sending me teachers who have each led me further into the truth of who God really is, what He’s really like, who He says I am, and how much He loves me every second of every day.

Now I live in the pure joy of knowing at least a fraction of how much God loves me. I see evidence of His love and tender care in multiple areas of my life every day. I feel the warmth of our close relationship whenever I think about it.

And most days I imagine myself running into the throne room to tell Him good morning as I jump in His lap and hug His neck … and He hugs me back.

Rhonda Fleming

Rhonda Fleming is the author of Treasure Seeker Bible Study Workbook and editor for dozens of hope-sharing writers. She can be contacted via email: RhondaJFleming@gmail.com.